Is That Your Wand?
by inu-kokoro
Summary: Parody on all of the Harry and Malfoy gay fanfics. Disclaimer: Not meant to be offensive, the author and her friend are supportive of homosexuals and ate espresso beans!


At first Harry thought that it was Malfoy's wand pressing in to his back, but then he realized otherwise.

"Shit Malfoy, is that what I think it is?"

"Sorry Harry, I can't hide my feelings for you anymore."

"It's fine, for I, feel the same way."

"Ever since I first saw you, I knew it was love!"

"I love you too Malfoy." At this Harry leaned forward and began passionately kissing Malfoy. They went on kissing in the Gryffindor common room, then they decided to put Harry's invisibility cloak to good use. Malfoy ripped off Harry's robes, and began to fumble with his belt. "Wait Malfoy, do you really want to go that far?"

"Hells yeah." At this Malfoy ripped of their remaining clothing and pulled the invisibility cloak over himself and Harry, to hide what they were soon to do.

**Insert hot boy sex here. **Draco shoved his you know into Harry's no no, and then, well, he got really excited. He screamed Harry's name, and Harry screamed his in response. Draco thrusted his hips, gripping Harry's waist with a grasp that was almost painful to the Boy Who Lived. Harry gave one last shout of the Slytherin boy's name before ejaculating, just as Draco let his load into Harry's anus.

"I had no idea that you watched Muggle television with commercials that aren't due to show in about ten years!" Harry panted, pulling the invisibility cloak off himself. It was very hot under that fabric.

"You'll find that my father is a very influential figure, Potter." Draco replied, letting the cloak settle around his lower torso so that all it hid was his genetalia. Harry looked into Draco's intense sky blue eyes and felt his heart melt. But he had been hurt.

"After what we just did," He paused, swallowing hard. "You're still going to call me by… My last name?"

"… Yeah." The blonde haired boy answered, with a 'well duh' look on his face.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST GAVE MY VIRGINITY TO YOU. IT'S OVER." Harry stood up and snatched up his invisibility cloak up, covering himself. He stormed away, leaving Draco alone and naked in the Gryffindor Common Room.

At just that moment Ron and Hermione walked in, enveloped in deep conversation.

"And that's when I said to him---"

"Holy shit Hermione, I think _someone_ just forgot where he put his clothes!"

"Oh shut up Weasley." At that Malfoy ran up to Harry's room. And there he was, lying on his four-poster…sobbing… "Oh come on Potter—err—Harry I didn't know that you seriously hated that I called you Potter."

"It's all right Malfoy **sniffle** I was mostly upset that I lost my virginity to a guy."

"Well, if you want me to make it up to you…"

**Insert hot boy make-up sex here. **Draco shoved his you know into Harry's no no, and then, well, he got really excited. He screamed Harry's name, and Harry screamed his in response. Draco thrusted his hips, gripping Harry's waist with a grasp that was almost painful to the Boy Who Lived. Harry gave one last shout of the Slytherin boy's name before ejaculating, just as Draco let his load into Harry's anus. GUNS GONE OFF.

"Holy…shit…Harry…" gasped Malfoy, "I didn't know you had it in you! But boy, was I wrong!"

"Like wise Malfoy," Harry replied wiping the sweat from his forehead, "But as much as I'd like you to stay, Snape would kill you if he found out what you were doing just now, and why you missed dinner."

"Yeah, that's true…One last kiss before I go?"

"Anything for _you _Malfoy!"

And one chaste kiss turned into a firey passionate kiss, which lead to—

**Insert more hot boy sex **Draco shoved his you know into Harry's no no, and then, well, he got really excited. He screamed Harry's name, and Harry screamed his in response. Draco thrusted his hips, gripping Harry's waist with a grasp that was almost painful to the Boy Who Lived. Harry gave one last shout of the Slytherin boy's name before ejaculating, just as Draco let his load into Harry's anus.

"GUN'S GONE OFF." Draco choked. They were so damn hungry from missing dinner, though, that they gave each other oral sex and nearly lost their baby-making tools.

INSERT MAJOR TIME ELAPSE HERE IN WHICH THE YEAR IS ALMOST TO AN END. ALSO, INSERT THE FINAL BATTLE WITH VOLDEMORT.

"I never realized how incredibly… Alluring the Dark Lord is." Draco breathed as his icy blue eyes gazed upon the adult fetus-snake that made Voldemort. "I love the way he's dressed like… Elton John." He made a growl in the back of his throat with a cat claw hand.

Harry looked over at his forbidden lover and hurt shone through in his shining emerald eyes. "No, Draco! Fight it! Even if the Dark Lord has the power of Elton John behind him, you can still DO WHAT IS RIGHT. CHOOSE THE LIGHT."

"I can't Harry! He just makes me so horny!" Draco started advancing towards his new master. Harry glanced downwards, trying to hide the tears in his eyes. That was when he noticed a tent forming in his lover's pantaloons.

Voldemort began to do what he must have thought was a seducing "strip-tease." "C'mere Malfoy, you know you want---this," he made a suggestive pelvic thrust towards Malfoy.

"Yeah I do." Malfoy began walking towards the dark lord, a certain longing in hi eyes. Then the dark lord made his move and started to passionately kiss Malfoy. When they were locked in an embrace, Voldemort whispered "I can touch you now." and began to undress the young Slytherin boy.

This was just too much for Harry, he could no longer hide the tears, this was where he drew the line. And that's when he snapped "ABRA KADABRA!" he shouted.

"WHAT THE HELL HARRY! YOU JUST KILLED VOLDEMORT…. wow…I suppose that is a bit of a good thing…BUT STILL YOU SHOT THE ONLY **MAN** THAT I'LL EVER LOVE!"

"You weren't in love with him Malfoy, he was seducing you…you're just too horny for your own good…."

"Hey…speaking of horny…" Malfoy glanced at the now significant bulge in his pantaloons.

"I don't know if I can forgive you for falling for my sworn enemy…."

"Please Harry! I NEED A GOOD FUCK!"

"Well…I suppose so…."

**INSERT EVEN MORE HOT BOY SEX…. IN THE CREEPY GAVEYARD…HOW…ROMANTIC…**

Draco shoved his you know into Harry's no no, and then, well, he got really excited. He screamed Harry's name, and Harry screamed his in response. Draco thrusted his hips, gripping Harry's waist with a grasp that was almost painful to the Boy Who Lived. Harry gave one last shout of the Slytherin boy's name before ejaculating, just as Draco let his load into Harry's anus.

"GUN'S GONE OFF." Draco choked. Draco pushed Harry against a gravestone shaped like an angel with its hand on its inner thigh. "Harry," he breathed huskily, pulling the Golden boy's legs up so that that he was practically sitting on Draco. It looked like a fucking threesome.

"I LOVE YA HARRY! I LOVE YA!"

**Pretty freaking awesome… a classic 'fight, breakup, breakup sex, makeup, makeup sex' except add one more sex… In two minutes, it might be a record!**


End file.
